South Africa - Day 13 Wild animals and cobwebs

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Up nice and early this morning for the first of our twice daily dose of animal gazing. Not to be caught out again I wisely festooned myself with a full compliment of clothing, which by the end of the drive I couldn't wait to be shot of, not that I became affected with a unhealthy desire to try out safari nudism of course, none of us had had breakfast and I didn't want to be responsible for all that food going to waste. I merely meant that I was looking forward to getting into a t shirt and shorts, once the sun comes up the temperature climbs considerably.

We headed into the East side of the park in our quest for big mammals. First spot of the day though was neither big nor a mammal, it was a giant kingfisher hovering above a pond, OK it was big, as far as king fishers go, but not big as far as hippos go, but it was a beauty, wings moving in a blur as it stared intently at the water below.

After that brief diversion we rounded a bend in the track and immediately came to a halt, it was either that or run headlong into 19ft and 1200kg of pure giraffe, who, it seemed, was in no immediate rush to get out of our way. But after a short while he loped off allowing us to pass unhindered, not that giraffes are especially known for their hindering of course, in fact they are probably more celebrated for their non-hindering abilities. If pushed I’m sure most people would point to the fact that giraffes, as generally docile and quiet beasts, do not excel in the hindering department.

The resemblance is uncanny

South Africa Day 12 - Kariega Game Reserve

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Up early this morning for our drive to see the animals of this fine country in all their splendour. After a swift breakfast, we departed around 8.30 and got stuck into the four hour journey that would ultimately deliver us to the Kariega Game Reserve which would be our base for the next couple of days. En route we stopped in Jeffreys Bay, which is famous for its annual surfing competition, and is the sort of place that’s rife with hostels, laid back cafés, people who wear beads in their hair and caters for travellers not tourists, yep it’s full of slackers and bloody hippies. Needless to say, and with a certain deadening inevitability, it’s also referred to as J-Bay.

Anyway, we stopped for a decent coffee and wrong turn that took as along the coast for a while, in the opposite direction we wanted to be going, but once that had been sorted out to everyone’s satisfaction, I put my foot down and headed on a course bearing due giraffe.

We made pretty good time, the roads, as normal were relatively quiet, and with a fair tailwind, good speed could be made. As the speedometer was in KPH, and I’m not completely sure how that exactly relates to MPH, I was never certain how fast I was actually going most of the time, in relation to how fast I would drive at home in the same conditions. I tended to go at a speed that I felt was covering a good amount of ground in a decent time, but not too fast that I was starting to feel like I had to concentrate too hard on the actual driving.

The main roads that cross the rural plains are of a pretty good standard, whilst not overly wide for two way traffic they do have capacious dirt sidings along their length. This is useful as it’s courteous to pull over slightly to let faster vehicles pass you, and most people do actually do this, it is equally courteous for the passer to flash their hazards at the passee to say thank you, which in return they may receive a sparkle of the headlights to say you’re welcome. I thought this type of roadway affability was splendid and it was one of the factors that made driving in this country so enjoyable. It was only when I got home and discovered that 140kph equates to around 90mph that I realised why I was passing so many cars on our assorted jaunts.

South Africa Day 11 - Prince Alfred and the Garden of Eden

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Had a bit of a lay in for a change before descending to the breakfast hall for a leisurely repast. I decided to go for a cooked breakfast as I hadn’t had one for a couple of days, unfortunately it was rubbish. Insipid, shiny skinned sausages, vapid, mushy tomatoes and bacon that looked like it had been part of a well loved shoe before being poached in oil and making the journey onto my plate. As it lolled there unctuously dripping grease into the yellow, watery fluid leaking from the scrambled eggs, I watched the ensuing slick unfold and realised I did not have much of an appetite.

I’m being a bit harsh of course, but I think all this high living had got the better of me, I was actually missing a basic, honest to goodness bowl of cereal. How these fabulously wealthy people manage to get through their quails eggs, smoked salmon and caviar muffins, all washed down with bucks fizz and martini chasers every morning, for that is what rich people do of course, I have absolutely no idea.

So after snacking on a couple of pastries we high tailed it out of Knysna and shepherded our metal steed towards Prince Alfred Pass. This road, built by the pass marvel himself, Thomas Bain, was finished in 1867 and covers about 70km of winding, mountain conquering terrain and is considered one of his finest achievements. Taking about 4 years to build, with it’s precision dry walling and expertly contoured carriageway, snaking their way through a seemingly impassable range, it stands pretty much as it was when completed nearly 150 years ago.

The very pass itself

South Africa Day 10 - Tsitsikamma National Park

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Made the most of the sumptuous spread laid out for our delectation in the large breakfast room, and after filling up we took the short drive the Knysna Heads, here two dramatic sea cliffs create a lagoon which they protect from the worst of the pounding waves. The weather was dismal so we didn’t get much of a view, dramatic or otherwise, but we dutifully walked down to the shore because, well, we were there and that’s what you do.

A view from Knysna Heads, it looks more interesting that it was

Apart from that, didn’t really see much else, most of the area was filled with gentrified suburbs, as is the way for coastal retreats, not that there was much to retreat from. After that we motored to Thesen Islands, which consist of a series of 19 man made islands linked by 21 arched bridges situated in the Knysna estuary. We took the road that connects it to the mainland and drove into what was a small version of Venice if Venice had been built by yuppies.

South Africa Day 8 - Oudtshoorn

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After a rip roaring breakfast at Rothman Manor, one of the very best so far, much like the place itself, we trundled, with balloon like paunches, to the car and made speed out of Swellendam, pointing ourselves firmly in the direction of Oudtshoorn.

Oudtshoorn’s main claim to fame I believe, and if this is not so then it should be, as it is indeed a marvellous main claim upon that fame, is that it’s the home of ostriches. And when I say home, I don’t just mean a well proportioned pile with a separate reception room and space for a bonquet. I’m talking a dwelling of epic proportions, replete with banqueting halls for each day of the week and more cupolas than you can shake a foxhound at.

Ostrich doing what it does best

South Africa Day 7 - Swellendam

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Had an early breakfast before packing up our stuff yet again in readiness for the journey to Swellendam. Already I’m getting into a routine of packing, making sure everything is in its place, each item fitting in perfect unison. My suitcase is like a well oiled machine, each piece coming together and harmonising in perfect completeness. In fact, now I think of it, my packing is also like a ballet, where I am the conductor upon his rostrum, where my shirts are the horn section, shorts the percussion and my pants the brass. Anyway, you get the idea. So, after that graceful performance we were speeding out of town with the open road in view.

10 minutes later we were back at the hotel as I had left the passports, money and my driving license behind in the room safe. But after that, we were definitely off.

Again we stopped in Boschendal to have a look at the manor house, as it was closed the day before. If you’re looking for a restored 19th century Cape farmhouse then you cannot go far wrong with Boschendal Manor House, besides the fact it is one of very few in existence, it does give a sense of stepping back in time with it’s beautiful period furnishings and of course it’s pièce de résistance - an antique four poster stinkwood bed.

South Africa Day 6 - Wineries

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After being greeted by a shining and candidly blue sky upon awaking we immediately partook of breakfast by the pool. After a genteel meander through our morning collation of croissants and pastries with the accompaniment of various delicate preserves, quietly rounding off with a robust coffee, we at last felt able to face the world.

Yes, we were about to enter the refined and exquisite world of the winery.

The wine region is split into five wine routes, which all told, encompass two hundred wine and grape producers that lie within the boundaries of the Stellenbosh Wine of Origin classification. We opted for the Helderberg route which is situated to the south of Stellenbosh and who’s farthest reaches border the Somerset West shoreline.

We hadn’t chosen this route for any particular reason except, much like a ripe red grape, it was a nice plumy purple colour on the little map we had. This is quite appropriate I guess, as I tend to choose wines on how appealing their labels look.

Without blowing my own trumpet, I’m unabashed to say that this is not a method of classification I have come across elsewhere, so I was looking forward to imparting my knowledge upon the estate owners we were about to meet, who I’m in no doubt, would be surprised, yet inordinately grateful for an opportunity to expand their understanding of ‘the Grape’.

After a bit of a tour around, including stopping at an estate that had its very own menagerie of wildlife, I took the opportunity to snap a few zebras with the lens I had hired for the safari part of the trip. Little did I know that this was the first and last time I would use it.

Zebras looking. Yes looking.

South Africa Day 5 - Table Mountain & Stellenbosch

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Woke up to a glorious morning, a clear, burnished blue sky sporting a fat, cheerful sun. We decided that this was a perfect end to our stay in Cape Town and more importantly was a perfect time to be heading up my old nemesis – Table Mountain!

We headed out straight away, forgoing the diversion of breakfast for the moment, we could always grab some later after those Table Mountain aspirations had been sated. We buckled up and shot from the outskirts of the city like a sprightly bulimic towards an all you can eat buffet, speeding up the road to the cable car, determined not to waste our last chance at glory.

We actually got there slightly too early in fact as it was still over half an hour away from opening, but not to worry, it meant we would be one of the first up there on this most auspicious of days. We were second in line, seems someone wanted it even more than ourselves, or like us they’d thought it opened earlier than it did. So after a short wait, and with quiet anticipation, we paid our fare and entered the cable car that would take us all the way up the mother of all flat topped mountains.

At last, my view of glory awaits. That little mound at the top is the upper station.

South Africa Day 4 - Bo Kaap & Townships

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Woke to an exceedingly grey morning, with intermediate rain, needless to say Table Mountain was off the cards yet again, I couldn’t even be bothered to lament at the situation, instead I went down to breakfast and stuffed myself with an inhuman quantity of pancakes.

Feeling overstuffed and under whelmed we drove into the city and took a gander at the Bo Kaap, or the Cape Malay Quarter. This section of Cape Town was originally established after the years of slavery in the city throughout the 18^th century, when people were shipped in from around the world, especially from Indonesia, which was a Dutch colony for several centuries. They were the first to bring Islam to South Africa.

The sky may be grey but the houses are sunny

Although it is called the Malay community it should be more accurately called the Muslim community as most of the inhabitants speak Afrikaans or English, but no longer the Malay languages. But whatever they speak, they sure know how to paint up a storm. The area includes a number of streets, full of houses covered in various vibrant hues and make for an arresting site and decent way to spend a couple of hours, camera in hand.

South Africa Day 3 - Cape Point

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Woke up to a sky chock full of low, grey cloud. My Table Mountain dreams were being slowly yet inexorably crushed before my very own unbelieving eyes. I was beginning to think that my assumption; that I would visit those regal heights, would turn out to be nothing but cruel folly. Why on my first day had I simply presupposed that the view would be mine for the taking whenever I wished it? I had underestimated Mother Nature. Not for the first time and nor, I’d wager, for the last, had we locked horns in such a contest of wills.

So through clenched teeth, as I tried to bend the world to my meteorological ideal by the power of furious thought alone, did I consume my sausage eggs and bacon, which as you can probably imagine, is quite difficult to do. I spotted the proprietor as he strolled by, he noticed me, looked out the window, then at me again, with a glance I thought contained the type of pity and disapproval usually reserved for a destructive puppy, who’s short but energetic future predominantly features a sack, some bricks and a rarely frequented canal.

Today we decided to drive down the Cape Peninsular as far as it goes, all the way to Cape Point. As we left Cape Town behind, those grey clouds started to break and before long it was glorious sunshine, which was how it stayed for the rest of the live long day.

Drove back along Chapman’s Peak Drive, which was as enjoyable as it was the other day, luckily the views had not changed in our absence, which was gratifying to know. And we carried on driving down, all the way down, down to the ground, or to Cape Point as it’s otherwise known, located in the Cape of Good Hope section of Table Mountain National Park.

A view of Diaz Beach, Sarah is on the lookout point giving a wave to someone. And yes the water really 
was that amazing colour

South Africa Day 2 - Kirstenbosch & Constantia Valley

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Up bright and early in the hope that we could head up to the mountain of tables, to make up for our foolishness the day before, but it was not to be. The Mountain was comprehensively covered by the infamous Tablecloth, the roofing of cloud that gives the mountain its rather pleasingly bouffant hairdo.

Headed down to breakfast where the hotel manager cheerfully enquired how our trip up the mountain the previous day had gone. We had to admit with our heads hung low, that we’d slept through the entire show, to be fair he kept as neutral and courteous a face as possible given the circumstances, but even with my eyes almost full to the brim with bitter tears at the thought we had missed our chance, I could tell he believed we were either fatuous cretins or deranged imbeciles, either way we were far beyond his kindly help.

Accepting our lot, we saddled up our silver steed and headed through Cape Town and onwards to Kirstenbosch National Botanical Gardens.

This most impressive of gardens, is the largest Botanical Garden in South Africa and also the only one in the world to be part of a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Located on the eastern slopes of Table Mountain it affords spectacular views of the iconic plateau and also Devil’s Peak.

The Tablecloth in full splendor, Table Mountain is on the far right, well what you can see of it

South Africa Day 1 - Cape Town

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So, many, many weeks after booking this trip via the never reliable Thomas Cook, my erstwhile travelling companion, Sarah, and I finally arrived in South Africa early on a Saturday morning, only to be greeted by the frankly ridiculous temperature of 37 degrees.

We faced that age old problem, the problem that everyone from the UK faces when travelling to pretty much any country that isn’t located on or within a reasonable distance of the Arctic poles, namely, we were a tad overdressed when we arrived.

Jeans and jackets were swiftly removed, in the privacy of the bathrooms of course, and replaced with t shirts and shorts. I say swiftly removed, but that does give a certain sense of immediacy about it, whereas in reality we had to wait until we had been dealt with by immigration, and they are pretty thorough. By thorough of course, I mean hair growingly ponderous.

Once passage had been negotiated through immigration and customs, with questions about the purpose of the visit being answered and documentation proving those answers had been proffered, and answers to the negative about whether I was transporting alcohol, cigarettes or medicine in my case, which was true, as I’m pretty sure ketamine isn’t classed as medication, except for horses, so I thought I was on fairly safe ground there, we were through and at large in South Africa herself.

Well, at large in the hire car section of the airport in South Africa herself. These things take time.

We picked up our shining chariot, a Toyota Corolla no less, and no more as it turned out. It had plenty of space for the bags and air-con which was a must, but it has to be said, this was offset by the fact it had about as much power as a lawnmower with bird flu, 6 gears of disappointment in a shiny silver assemblage.

But it was a hire car, and it came with all the benefits that hire cars have, i.e. I don't have to worry about getting it through a service, or what those high screaming revs are doing to the engine long term, or what state the undercarriage will be in after inflicting rocky/sandy/muddy roads on it. Basically I can do what I like with it for two glorious weeks and then give it back for someone else to deal with. If only all cars had that freedom from responsibility behind them I’m sure the roads would be a safer place for all.